Inspector-General
Inspector-General
I have called you together, Gentlemen, to receive the worst
piece of news: there is an Inspector-General coming.
JUDGE and CHARITY COMMISSIONER. What, the Revivalist?
THE GOVERNOR. Yes, Inspector from Petersburg, incognito. With secret instructions,
and.
JUDGE. Well, I declare!
CHARITY COMMISSIONER. We have escaped so far, now it is our turn
Inspector-General
I have called you together, gentlemen, to receive a very unpleasant
piece of news: there’s an Inspector-General coming.
JUDGE and CHARITY COMMISSIONER. What, a Revizor?
GOVERNOR. Yes, an Inspector from Petersburg, incognito. With secret instructions,
too.
JUDGE. Well, I declare!
CHARITY COMMISSIONER. We’ve escaped hitherto, so now it’s our turn!
LUKA LUKICH (the School Director). Good Lord! with secret instructions!
GOVERNOR. I had a sort of presentiment of it: all last night I dreamt about a pair of
monstrous rats. Upon my word, I never saw the like of ’em—so black and enormous.
They came, and snuffed about, and vanished… Here’s a letter which I will read you
from Andrei Ivanovich Chmikov. You know him, Artemi Philippovich (to the CHARITY
COMMISSIONER). This is what he says: “My dear friend, my comrade and
benefactor… (He mutters over quickly the first few sentences.) …and to let you know”
— Ah ! that’s it — “I hasten to let you know, amongst other things, that an official has
been sent with instructions to inspect the whole province, and your district especially.
(Lifts his finger significantly.) That he is coming I know from very reliable sources, but
he pretends to be a private person. So, as you have your little faults, you know, like
everybody else (you’re a sensible man, and don’t let your little perquisites slip
through your fingers) . . .” (Stopping.) H’m, that’s after a manner of speaking. …” I
advise you to take precautions, for he may come any hour if he has not already done
so, and is staying somewhere incognito. . . . Yesterday . . .” Oh, then come family
matters. ” My cousin,[1] Anna Kirillovna, paid us a visit, with her husband ; Ivan
Kirillovich has got very fat, and is always playing the fiddle . . .” etcetera, etcetera.
Now, here’s a pretty business !
JUDGE. Yes, extraordinary, simply extraordinary. There must be some reason for it
Inspector-General
JUDGE. Yeah, it’s weird, it’s just weird. There must be a reason for that.
LUKA. But why, Anton Antonovich, [2] why is that? Why should we have an Inspector?
THE GOVERNOR (sighing). Oh, tomorrow, I think! (Breathing again.) So far, thank you
beauty, they have been pristed in other cities; but now our time has come.
JUDGE. It is my opinion, Anton Antonovich, that it is a deep political party, too
means – let me see that – in Russia. . . yes, that’s it … Russia wants to make war, too
The government secretly sent this official to look into the matter
anywhere.
THE GOVERNOR. Ah, you got it! you know a thing or two! The concept of rebellion is
in the inland city! It’s like sleeping on a border! After all, from here you can do it three times
years before you came to another country.
JUDGE. No, I’ll tell you – you don’t understand – the Government looks very good
near the news; it may be far away, yet you see it all
Inspector-General
THE GOVERNOR. Ah, you got it! you know a thing or two! The idea of rebellion by
in the inland city! It’s like sleeping on the border! After all, from here you can triple
years before you came to another country.
JUDGE. No, I’ll tell you what — you don’t understand — the Government looks very good
near the news; it may be far away, yet it sees everything—.
THE GOVERNOR (interrupts). It may or may not happen — yet, men, I have it
he warned you. I have made some arrangements in my name, and I advise you to do so
do the same. You especially, Artemi Philoppovich! (at CHARITY
COMMISSIONER.) Undoubtedly, this chinovnik will want your first check
hospital; therefore you should see that everything goes according to plan; that night-caps
they are clean, and sick people do not always go as they usually do — in appearance
blacksmiths.
CHARITY COMMISSIONER. Oh, that’s fine. They will have clean night-caps, if
you like
THE GOVERNOR. And you can write on each bed, in Latin or in another language—
that’s your business, Christian Ivanovich (DOCTOR) – every word
complaint, when patient is sick, day of the week and month. . . and I do not like
patients who smoke such strong cigarettes; it makes you choke when you come in.
It would also be better if they were not many; otherwise it will be just once
caused by improper supervision or incompetent physician.
CHARITY COMMISSIONER. Oh, Christian Ivanovich and I have settled everything on the subject
treatment; the closer we get to the environment the better: we do not come in expensive
medicines. Man is a simple matter — if he dies, he dies; if he grinds, why, then
he is recovering. And it would not be easy for sick people and Christians to understand one another
one; he does not even know the Russian name. (DOCTOR sighs indistinctly.)
And I can commend you, Ammos Fyodorovich- (in
JUDGE) —to turn your attention to court buildings. There is an antechamber, where leaders often wait; allowed the guards to breed geese
there, and the grannies go thrusting their mouths between the legs of the people. Of course,
raising the geese is commendable, and there is no reason why an assistant should not be
do so; only, see, the Regional Court is not really its place. … I was aiming
I’ve talked about it before, but it somehow escaped my memory.
JUDGE. Well, I’ll tell them to get them all in the kitchen today. You will arrive
dinner?
GOVERNOR (unconscious). Otherwise, it does not make the court find
full of rubbish of all kinds: why, there was a sports whip lying between the papers.
on your desk. I know you love sports, but there is a time and place
in all — if the Examiner is gone you can return it. Then yours
inspector. . . he’s a very educated man, but he casts out the spirits, as if he just had them
get out of the digestive tract; that too is unnecessary. I meant to tell you about this for a while
past, but something or other was out of my head. There are ways to fix it, if
in fact, as he says, a natural failure: you can recommend him to eat onions or
garlic, or something like that. Christian Ivanovich can help him there sometimes
on his nose. (THE doctor sighs as before.)
JUDGE. No, it is not possible to eliminate it; said his nurse knocking on his door
down when he was a child, and ever since he smelled vodka.
THE GOVERNOR. Well, I just reminded you of it. About local management, once
what Andrei Ivanovich likes to call “minor mistakes” in his book, I do not
understand what you mean. After all, of course, no living man has not
some peccadilloes to account for: Heaven made him so — let the free thinkers say
they love.
JUDGE. What do you mean by peccadilloes, Anton Antonovich? Bangu
peccadilloes and peccadilloes. I tell everyone openly that I take a bribe, but what kind
bribes? Why, greyhound puppies. That is a completely different story.
THE GOVERNOR. H’m, whether puppies or anything else, they’re all bribes alike.
JUDGE. No, in fact, Anton Antonovich. But let’s say, for example, one gets a
A coat that costs five hundred rubles, [3] or your girlfriend gets a shawl. . .
GOVERNOR (by testimony). Yes; but that has to do with your bribe
puppy greyhounds? Otherwise, you do not believe in God; you will never go to church; while I, in
at least, I’m a strong believer, and I go to church every Sunday. Although you_ oh, me
I know you; when I hear you talk about Creation my hair just happens.
JUDGE. What about that? I thought it all over with my unintelligible intelligence.
THE GOVERNOR. However, much information is worse than none at all. . . , However,
I have only made comments about the Regional Court, and I dare say no one will ever look
it; there is a fragrance of holiness in the place. But you, Luke Lukich, as Director of
Educational Institutions, should look after teachers. They are very beautiful
intelligent people, no doubt, and blessed with a college education; but they have
very funny habits — inseparable from their work, I think. One of them, because
for example, a fat man — I forget his name — cannot coexist peacefully
his phiz like this (imitating him) when he enters the chair; then start work
slapping the neck tie scratching his chin. It doesn’t matter, of course, if he does
face to face with the student — perhaps necessary — I am not the judge of that; but you
you admit that if he mocks a visitor, it may leave a terrible impression
vision. A reputable inspector, or anyone else, may take it for granted
himself — and then the deuce knows what might come out of it.
What can I do with her, I ask? I told her about it from time to time. Only
One day, when our headmaster came into the classroom, a friend spoke up like that
him as I had never seen him. I hope there were good intentions, but people
they come crying to me about strong ideas that are implanted in the minds of young people.
THE GOVERNOR. And then you have to look at the history class administrator. You have a
educated, transparent, and selective in any amount of knowledge; but he
speeches with such zeal that he forgets them. I once listened to him. As long as it does
as he held fast against the Assyrians and the Babylonians, it was right; but
while riding Alexander of Macedonia, I cannot describe his behavior. Good
heavens, I thought, there is a fire! He jumped up from his chair, smashed the chair
down with all his might! Alexander of Macedonia was a hero, we all know, but
that is not a reason to break furniture; otherwise, the State must pay
damage.
Yes, it does! I’ve talked to him about it several times. He only says: “
By your will, but for the sake of learning I will never give up my life
